You Don't Want No Smoke with the BX!

WARNING! SPOILER ALERT! IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED VAMPIRES VS THE BRONX, GTFO AND COME BACK LATER. THANKS!

Vampires vs. the Bronx (Osmany Rodriguez & Blaise Hemingway) centers around a group of young friends attempting to save their Bronx community from gentrification, oh, and vampires. Miguel aka Lil Mayor (Jaden Michael), is organizing a block party with his friends Bobby (Gerald Jones III) and Luis (Gregory Diaz IV) to save a beloved Bodega from displacement; And then it gets deep. They realize that Murnau Properties, the real estate firm pricing the community out is being run by vampires who are on a mission to take over the Bronx, raise an army, and wipe out humanity. Being Bronx kids, they decide to learn as much as they can about vampires, take it to the streets, and fight back. And if you didn't know, now you know.

I wouldn't be wrong in saying that everyone that's from the Bronx, that's watched this film, has loved it. It's not only its ability to convey a concept as complicated as gentrification in a family-friendly manner, it's the raw authenticity in how it does so. Vampires vs the Bronx is not a film for everybody, it's a film for anybody. That is, it's a film for anyone comfortable being uncomfortable with the notion that gentrification is a form of colonization. And that colonization, although not exclusive to white people, is oftentimes preserved and perpetuated by white people. That said, if you're uncomfortable with a film that portrays white gentrifiers as vampires, even in comedy, then this film is not for you.

Vampires vs the Bronx draws from the collective experience of people of color in underserved communities and the realities that face us every day. The film is set in the South Bronx in a community where residents, largely Dominican Americans, have more recently been at risk of displacement. This is the setting in the film, but it's also exactly what's happening in the South Bronx today. Like in the film, local mom-and-pop shops have begun to close down and newer residents have taken their place. The real estate firms may have a different name, but it's no big secret who the key players in gentrifying the Bronx are.

The Vampires are the gentrifiers in this film. They are the "suckheads" sucking the life force and culture of the community. Coming soon posters for trendy new products or business concepts replace businesses that close. We see it in our neighborhoods too. Your local Chinese restaurant turns into a dumpling spot overnight; Sriracha instead of duck sauce, lattes replace Cafecito con Leche. It's a comedy film but it's also got some truth to it.

Frank Polidori (Shea Whigham) believes that "if you can't beat ‘em, join ‘em". As the frontman for the vampires, he does most of their dirty work hoping to one day join them. Every community experiencing gentrification has this character, you know, that person that everyone invested in the community tells you to stay away from. They're polite, and for the most part, everyone likes them, but you know it's all a front; it's all just good PR. What's most sad is that when they realize that they too are being manipulated it's often far too late. Frank understands this towards the end of the film when he realizes that his only future with the Vampires is as a puppet. As I said, it's got some truth to it.

Let's take the bodega for instance. In our community the bodega represents so much; it's the cornerstone of our community. It's where you get your morning coffee, neighborhood gossip, and groceries on credit. In the film, Tony (Joel 'The Kid Mero' Martinez) has created a safe space for Miguel and his friends. A place to hang out but also where they learn about vampires. It's a home outside of their respective homes. And although it's changing, continues to uphold the values shared by the community.

Change is difficult, but in many ways, it pushes us to assert our values and identity. Tony's bodega is one of those places that attempt to adapt to change. The Bodega cat is still there, but he also sells oat milk, hummus, and kale. A proud Dominican, with Sammy Sosa and Bachata in the background, but dealing with gentrification. He's not sure how he will save his bodega, or if Miguel's block party will help, but has not given up on his community.

When we look at the Bronx and its multicultural community, we see many examples like Tony, Miguel, and his friends. That's what makes this film most beautiful, that in the horror that is a vampire invasion, the community always sticks together. That the youth always carry the torch when we no longer have the strength to keep fighting. After all, it's Miguel and his friends that piece things together and ultimately save the Bronx from Vampires.

We see the harsh reality of growing up way too fast in this film. In the case of Bobby, we see that he has to cope with his father's death, the needs of his friends, and the dangers of being on the streets. This is exactly what it's like growing up in the Bronx. Where outsiders, like Vivian (Sarah Gadon), only see marginalized people who don't matter, we see strength and resilience. There's no fake sh*t in the Bronx because we're all in this Sancocho (soup) together. Whether it's a bodega owner at risk of displacement, kids about to lose their hangout spot, local creatives like Gloria (Imani Lewis), or DJs looking for a set to play, we're all in this together.

So, my thoughts are as follows:

F*ck all critics, "You Don't Want No Smoke with the BX". Making the film more comfortable for people who, misunderstand or deny gentrification, isn't and shouldn't be the goal. It's a comedy-horror about a group of kids fighting vampires (gentrification) in the Bronx. It's got Method Man as a priest and Zoë Saldaña as a nail tech. It's funny, cheesy, relatable, and entertaining. It's our experience, and that shouldn't be up for review.

PERIODT!